Ghirahim's Christmas
by Kierany9
Summary: "Hello people." said the man, staring into the camera. "My name is Ghirahim. Do you hate Christmas like I do? Do you shudder when you hear those godforsaken carolers, or watch the same specials they put on every year? Do you hate the insane Christmas decorations, or the annoying spirit that everyone feels. Well wait no more, I shall teach you a thing or two about this time of year.


A man was sitting in an armchair in cosy library, with a roaring fireplace behind him. A camera was filming him and some creatures were doing some last minute preparations.

"Hello people." said the man, staring into the camera. " My name is Ghirahim. Do you hate Christmas like I do? Do you shudder when you hear those godforsaken carolers, or watch the same specials they put on every year? Do you hate the insane Christmas decorations, or the annoying spirit that everyone feels. Well wait no more, I shall teach you a thing or two about this time of year!"

Ghirahim pulled out and opened a long scroll, showing it to the camera. It was titled _Things I hate the most. _Only the top 5 were visible.

1. Link

2. Christmas

3. Demise when he's in a bad mood

4. My minions when they don't obey

5. Impa

A bokoblin rushed and took the scroll away and another one turned the camera off.

"Good, good, good." he said. "Take the camera set to the door and let's deal with carolers first." Ghirahim grabbed a coat and walked down the stairs of his house. As he reached the door, the bell went and he signalled the camerabokoblin to prepare to film.

A family was standing there, singing their carols. Ghirahim pulled out his phone and put on a video. There was screaming and eye-covering as the family rushed away.

Bob, the camerabokoblin laughed.

"So that's why you have that on your phone."

"Uh oh." muttered Rob, the bokoblin in charge of the microphone

"Why else did you think I have it?" asked Ghirahim. Bob didn't answer so Ghirahim shot him in the neck with a magical dart. "Someone, please replace this guy. Now!" he snaped.

"Hello!" My name is Bob as well. I'll be in charge of the camera.

"Good." muttered Ghirahim. "Don't make me waste any more servants."

The doorbell rang again. Ghirahim cleared his throat. A bunch of kids began squealing an incredibly out of tune version of We wish you a Merry Christmas. Suddenly, Ghirahim began singing at the top of his lungs. He sang the most beautiful version of said song ever heard by man or demon.

"Can you top that?" asked Ghirahim. The kids began mumbling and after a minute, a girl came out and simply said no.

"Eat shit and die." said Ghirahim, blasting the entire group into oblivion with the click of his fingers. "Someone bring me a square wooden plank and a nail."

Within minutes, Ghirahim had made a sign with the remains of the carolers saying NO CAROLERS ALLOWED. Then, the doorbell rang again.

"Jingle bells, jingle bells..."

"SHUT UP!" screamed Ghirahim. "Read the sign."

"We bring Christmas joy to all the people." said one of the carolers.

"Do you want to DIE for Christmas?" replied the demon lord.

"Don't think you can threaten us."

"I need two armed bokoblins to escort these carolers out." he snarled. "Once you're done, stay on patrol. Do not let any caroler through." Ghirahim then slammed the door behind him and turned to the camera.

"If you don't have an army of bokoblins like I do, then just make a snipers point with water cannons from your upstairs window. It usually works just as well."

The bokobins started moving the camera gear towards a large tree in Ghirahim's lounge. He too walked over to it.

"As for presents, send them back and make sure you plant a bomb in there." he said, shaking a bomb flower for emphasis and then putting it in a box. "It's simple, easy and solves your present issues for years to come. And if a selfish git sends you a card but no present then send the card back with snakes inside. But check the card for money first."

Ghirahim opened a card, took 999 rupees out and stuffed some snakes in. Suddenly, the door went again. Some kid carolers were at the door. Ghirahim opened the window and screamed.

"SANTA DOESN'T EXIST!"

The kids looked at each other and ran away crying.

"Forgot to mention, that's great for sending kid carolers away." he mentioned, staring at the camera.

Suddenly, eleven people barged through the door. Ghirahim's mother, father, brother, sister, baby brother, two cousins, uncle, aunt and grandparents entered.

"That's my family." he whispered to the camera. "You want to get the family out of the house as fast as possible."

"GHIRAHIM! IS DINNER READY?" yelled her grandmother. Of course, since she could barely hear a thing, she always yelled so she could hear herself talk.

"YES GRANNIE. IT IS READY!" he screamed into her ear. His mother then slapped him around the face.

"Behave yourself!" she screeched.

"Yes mommy." Ghirahim squealed, running upstairs, Bob and Rob following him.

"Are we cutting this bit out?" asked Ghirahim. The bokoblins shook their heads. "Fine. Serve up the turkey and add a bit of tranquilliser. Scratch that. BOIL IT IN TRANQUILLISER!" he screamed.

Bob and Rob ran out of the room with the camera equipment. Ghirahim stretched and jumped on the bed.

"And that's how you deal with Christmas..."

Upon waking up, Ghirahim walked out of his bedroom where Bob and Rob were waiting.

"Something looks different about you Bob..." he said.

"Bob fell in the tranquilliser and drowned. So we found another bokoblin and he was also called Bob." said Rob.

"Whatever..." said Ghirahim. "Did my minions dispose of the guests?"

"Yes."

Lanyru Sand Sea: Random deserted island.

"GHIRAHIM!"


End file.
